Getting Through the First Holiday Season After Divorce

The holidays can feel like a tough time to go through a big life change, like a divorce. It’s that season when everyone’s talking about family, traditions, and togetherness. But if this is your first holiday season after a separation, you’re likely feeling a mix of emotions—some sadness, some frustration, and maybe even confusion about how to make things work for you and your kids.

You’re not alone. The holiday season after a divorce comes with unique challenges, especially when it comes to keeping things calm and positive for your children. In this post, I’ll walk you through some of the struggles you might face, offer practical solutions, and explain how therapy—whether for you or your child—can help ease the load.

What challenges will you face in your first holidays after divorce?

Facing the holidays after a divorce can bring up a lot of tough emotions, especially when it comes to making things work for your children. Let’s look at some of the challenges you might encounter during this time and why they can feel so difficult for both you and your kids.

Challenge 1: The holidays don’t look the same anymore

One of the hardest things for parents (and kids) is that the holidays just don’t look the same after a divorce. That traditional Christmas morning where everyone’s in the same place? Gone. Or the annual visit to grandma’s with the whole family? That’s a lot trickier now. As adults, we get it logically, but for your kids, the loss of those familiar routines might hit them harder than you expect.

And when kids don’t feel that sense of stability, it often comes out in other ways—tantrums, tears, maybe even acting like they’ve regressed to younger behavior. It’s not that they’re being difficult on purpose; it’s that they don’t know how to deal with what’s going on.

Challenge 2: Communication hiccups with your ex

The holidays are busy enough, but when you throw co-parenting into the mix, things can get even more complicated. Schedules overlap, plans change, and sometimes, it’s hard to keep communication clear and respectful. Small mix-ups like showing up at the wrong time or disagreeing on how the holidays should be spent can turn into bigger emotional issues for everyone involved—especially your kids.

When parents don’t communicate well, children often end up feeling caught in the middle. It’s not always intentional, but it happens. And that can increase their stress or even make them feel like they have to pick sides.

Challenge 3: Emotional outbursts and behavioral issues

The holiday season stirs up a lot of emotions for kids—especially if they’re processing a divorce at the same time. They might seem more anxious and irritable, or act out in ways that catch you off guard. For younger kids, they may even regress, like having bathroom accidents or waking up in the middle of the night. Older kids might lash out or get more withdrawn.

It’s important to understand that these reactions aren’t because they’re “bad” or trying to make things harder. They’re just feeling overwhelmed and don’t yet have the tools to manage all these big emotions.

A few helpful tips to help you feel more prepared

While the holidays after divorce can feel overwhelming, there are some practical steps you can take to help smooth the transition for both you and your kids. Here are a few tips that can make navigating this season a little easier.

Create new traditions and set expectations

Change is hard, but it doesn’t mean the holidays are doomed. One of the best ways to help your kids (and yourself) is to create new traditions that work for your new situation. Maybe this year, instead of the traditional big family dinner, you have a cozy movie night with hot chocolate. The point is, it’s about making the best of where you’re at and showing your kids that change doesn’t have to be all bad.

Also, set clear expectations for the schedule. Talk to your ex ahead of time, figure out the plans, and explain everything to your kids so they know what to expect. Structure and predictability will give them some of that security they’re missing.

Keep communication civil (even when it’s tough)

This is easier said than done, I know. But keeping communication civil and clear with your ex during the holidays is key. If things get heated, it’s okay to take a step back, breathe, and regroup. Remember that the focus is on your kids and what’s best for them. Try to stick to neutral, child-focused language, and if there’s a disagreement, try to keep it as calm as possible.

If you find co-parenting communication hard, divorce support counseling can be a game-changer. Sometimes having a professional help mediate these conversations makes all the difference.

Teach your child emotional regulation

Helping your child manage their emotions is important during this time. You can model healthy emotional regulation by staying calm when things get stressful (or at least trying your best—it’s okay to not be perfect). Also, teaching them simple things like deep breathing, counting to ten, or even giving them a special “calm-down corner” where they can retreat if they’re feeling overwhelmed, can help a lot.

Small steps like these can help them process all the emotions that come with the holiday season and divorce.

The benefits of therapy: support is available

If you notice that your child is struggling to express what they’re feeling or is acting out more than usual, child counseling can really help. It gives them a safe space to talk (or draw, or play) through their emotions with a professional. Sometimes kids need someone outside the family to help them understand their feelings and learn new ways to cope.

At our practice, child counseling is designed to help kids with emotional regulation, so they feel more grounded and in control—even during tricky times like the holidays.

You’ve got options for support too

Let’s be real—divorce is tough on you too. Therapy isn’t just for your kids; it can help you process your own feelings and give you tools for managing stress, co-parenting, and all the new challenges the holidays bring. Whether it’s one-on-one sessions or support groups, getting professional guidance can make a huge difference in how you navigate this time of year.

Looking ahead: this season can still be special

At the end of the day, this first holiday season after your divorce is going to be different—there’s no sugar-coating that. But it doesn’t have to be all bad. In fact, it can be an opportunity to create new memories, strengthen bonds with your kids, and show them that even though life is changing, you’ll get through it together.

With patience, a little planning, and support from therapy if you need it, you and your family can come out of this season stronger than ever.